News Anchor Fail - Strong Language

Those Crazy News Anchors

Charlie Brooker on the American News Media

Looks like Brooker has American News Media figured out. LOL.

Funnny News Story or Why Cellphones Are Not Toys

This humorous news story is too funny, and it has me laughing today. The story from the VancouverSun.com titled White Rock dad busted after baby son calls 911 details how a dad got busted for growing weed after his son called 911.

From the article;

A baby boy playing with his dad’s telephone accidentally called 911, which led police to their house — and a 500-plant marijuana-growing operation.

Don't you just hate when that happens! Thanks to my online friend mister anchovy.

Paul Anka is in the News. And not in a good way.

See there is a part of me that feels sorry for Paul Anka. I mean when you get beat up by a lady that is kind of sad. And when that lady is your wife, well you know how that usually ends. With divorce and lawyers and all that.

We husbands have to stick together you know, and not make fun of each other when we do get beat up by our wives. Having said that, this should not be as funny to me as it is. But after reading several news stories about it, I had to post the headline that made me laugh the hardest. And the winner is; Paul Anka's Head and Wife -- Busted.

Man I laugh every time I read that headline, LOL.

Al-Qaeda Terrorist Learns Stand-Up

I often wish that I was more creative and that I could write comedy, like some of my favorite humor bloggers do. But then again, I think that the real world offers a lot of funny stuff too. So my job is to go out and find some of that funny stuff and present it to you so that you laugh.

Having said that, consider this news story that made me laugh; Al-Qaeda terrorist taught stand-up comedy at top-security prison .

An Al Qaeda terrorist serving 18 years for his involvement in a plot to bomb London was taught how to be a stand-up comic at his top-security prison.

Officials had the course closed after three days. I was a little disappointed by this because the whole problem with terrorist, I believe, is that they don't laugh enough.

Funny News Story: Farts and Blood Pressure

OK, file this one under, "You probably think I made this up." But it is too funny. This article is why I don't have to search too hard to find something funny, because reality is funnier then anything that I can make up.

The Stink in Farts Controls Blood Pressure.

And as someone who has High Blood Pressure, I can tell you my wife is not going to be happy if they treat this by creating a drug that causes your farts to contain more hydrogen sulfide (H2S).

"Now that we know hydrogen sulfide's role in regulating blood pressure, it may be possible to design drug therapies that enhance its formation as an alternative to the current methods of treatment for hypertension," said Johns Hopkins neuroscientist Solomon H. Snyder, M.D., a co-author of the study detailed in the Oct. 24th issue of the journal Science.

File This Under, How Dumb Can You Be?

Can you believe that I sometimes have problems finding material for this blog. But when you consider this story, you have to wonder why.

I mean it is difficult writing comedy, and writing about comedy, and I think the reasons is because the real world is just so much more funny.

Case in point; Misguided Criminal Uses Own Current Account Cheques to Rob Bank.

In what’s set to go down as one of the easiest to solve police cases of all time, a man has been arrested by police in Ocala, Florida, on two counts of bank robbery. The man, now known to be 33 year old Patrick Shane Johnson, was detained on Monday after robbing two Bank of America branches within 6 hours.

However, the comedic twist to this rather ‘ordinary’ story is that he misguidedly wrote the demand notes on cheques from his personal current account, giving the police access to his name, address and financial history in one fell swoop.

Humorous News 07-19-08

Humorous News 07-19-08
AIMED AT YOUR FUNNY BONE

TOP QUOTES OF THE WEEK

Jesse Jackson said on Fox News Sunday that he wanted to cut off Barack Obama's testicles. Now he thinks of it. If our last two presidents had had this done we never would have gone to war in Iraq and Bill Clinton would have retired with his dignity intact. (Argus Hamilton)

It was so hot (in New York) Madonna called A-Rod's wife just to get the cold shoulder. (Jay Leno)

Dan Uggla struck out 3 times, grounded into a rally-killing double play and committed a record three errors. The headline on the game should have been, THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE UGGLA." (Randy Youngman)

The White House has rejected a plan to regulate greenhouse gases, saying it could cripple the U.S. economy. And if there is anything the Bush administration knows about, it's crippling the economy. (Jim Barach)

If Obama reverses any more positions and moves any farther to the right, he'll be invited to deliver the keynote address at the Republican convention. (Scott Witt)

Cuba announced it will send a rowing team to the Olympics. They started training last month and haven't been seen since. (Conan O'Brien)

Barack Obama and a kangaroo pull up to a gas station. The gas station attendant takes one look at the kangaroo and says, "You know, we don't get many kangaroos here." Barack Obama replies, "At these prices, I'm not surprised. That's why we need to reduce our dependence on foreign oil." (Andy Borowitz)

Barack Obama told a town hall meeting in Georgia Wednesday that parents need to make sure their kids are able to speak Spanish. So that's his economic policy. He is going to have Americans pose as illegal immigrants so they can get low-paying jobs. (Argus Hamilton)

A record number of babies were born in the U.S. in 2007. Apparently, sperm banks were like any other banks in 07, carelessly giving loans to everybody (Pedro Bartes)

The SEC has sent subpoenas to 50 hedge-fund managers as it investigates charges of stock market manipulation. But the probe may be undermined by the fact that the along with each subpoena, the SEC investigators all enclosed resumes and job applications. (Jake Novak)

A record number of babies were born in the U.S. in 2007, proving that millions of Americans are paying for higher gas prices by cutting back on birth control. (Jake Novak)

A recent poll from online dating website Match.com found that Americans think that Barack Obama is a better kisser than John McCain. Unless you are a hardcore conservative, because nobody is kissing their asses better than John McCain. (Pedro Bartes)

The U.S. government is considering allowing drilling for off-shore oil Too bad the real money is in going after off-shore tax cheats. (Jake Novak)

Jesse Jackson became the third pastor to bedevil Barack Obama Sunday. He's had tiffs with a Baptist pastor, a Church of Christ pastor and a Catholic priest. Just because Barack Obama isn't a Muslim doesn't mean he can't be hounded into becoming one. (Argus Hamilton)