Blond Jokes

I've got nothing against blonds, my wife has very dark brown hair if you are wondering. But sometimes I wonder if maybe her roots aren't blond. The best way to enjoy these is to just read them one after the other and don't think too much. LOL.


Q: How does a blond kill a fish?
A: She drowns it!

Q: How does a blond kill a bird?
A: She throws it off a cliff!

Q: How does a blonde lose five pounds?
A: She takes off her make-up.

Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!

Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up?
A: To catch everything that goes over their heads.

Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer?
A: She didn't like it because she couldn't get channel 9.

Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
A: The vegetable garden.

Q: What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
A: She slipped off and fell down the drain.

Q: Did you hear about the blond skydiver?
A: She missed the Earth!

Q: Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?
A: So she could keep the refrigerator cold.

Q: Why does a blonde drive a BMW?
A: Cuz she can spell it...

Q: How Do You Confuse A Dumd Blond?
A: Put Her In A Room Shaped Like A Circle And Say Go Sit In The Corner..

Q: What do you call a blonde holding a balloon?
A: Siamese twins

Q: How is a blonde like a a bottle?
A: They're both empty from neck up

Q: What did the blonde say about blonde jokes?
A: She said they were pretty good, but they might offend some Puerto
Ricans.

Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: You don't. They are born that way.

Q: Why do blondes hate M&Ms?
A: They're too hard too peel.

Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
A: You find the M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.

Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
A: Proofreading.

Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspsense?
A: I'll post this answer tomorrow.

Q: Why do blonde wear shoulder pads?
A: To keep from bruising their ears.

Q: What does "Bones" McCoy say before he preforms brain surgery on
a blonde?
A: "Space. The final frontier....."

Q: What's brown and red and black and blue?
A: A brunette who's told one too many blonde jokes.

Q: How does the blonde car pool work?
A: They all meet at work at 7:45.

Q: How do you know that a fax came from a blonde?
A: There is a stamp on it.

Q: What do you do if a blond throws a grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back!

Q. What does a U.F.O and an intellegent blonde have in common?
A. You always hear about them... but you never see them!

Q: Why did the blonde put lipstick on her forehead?
A: She was trying to make up her mind!

Q. How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Who knows? It has never been done!

Q: Why did blonde throw a puppy on a bun & in the microwave?
A: She wanted a hotdog.

Q: What did the blonde do when she broke her tuperware?
A: Called the plastic surgeon.

Q: What is 500 ft. long and has an IQ of 40?
A: A blonde parade!

Q: Why did the blonde smile everytime there was a flash of lightning?
A: She though someone was taking her picture.

Q: What's the advantage of marrying a blonde?
A: You get to park in the handicapped zone.

Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
A: Her IQ goes up.

Q: How did the blonde die ice fishing?
A: She was run over by the zamboni machine.

Q: How do you steal the window seat of a blonde going to Paris?
A: Tell her the seats that are going to Paris are all in the middle row.

Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
A: RUN LIKE HECK...she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.

Q: What do you call a blonde golfer with an IQ of 125?
A: A foursome.

Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.

Q: Why did they stop doing the "Wave" at BYU?
A: The blonde were drowning.

Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks her keys in the car.

Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.

Q: Why can't blondes make ice cubes?
A: They always forget the recipe.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde that was treated at the emergency
room for a concussion and severe head wounds?
A: She tried to commit suicide by hanging herself with a bungie cord.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde that almost caused a wreck?
A: The spare tire in her trunk blew out.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who couldn't wait to see "20,000
Leagues under the sea?
A: She said that she loved baseball, and was surprised that there
were so many teams.

Q: Why did the blonde stand in front of a mirror with her eyes closed?
A: She wanted to see what she looked like sleeping.

Q: How did the blonde break her leg playing hockey with the Toronto
Maple Leaves?
A: She fell out of the tree.

Q: How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek?
A: One

Q: Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN?
A: She couldn't figure out which one to write first.

Q: What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone?
A: A widow.

Q: How many blondes does it take to make a circuit?
A: Two: one to stand in the bathtub, and another to hand her the
blow dryer.

Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk?
A: The cow fell on her.

Q: How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves"
A: She fell out of the tree.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.

Q: How can you tell when a FAX has been sent by a blonde?
A: There is a stamp on it.

Q: Why didn't the blonde want to fax her resume?
A: It was her only copy.

Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
A: She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.

Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: You get to park in the handicap zone.

Q: Why does NASA hire blondes?
A: They are doing research on black holes and empty space.

Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box space?
A1: So they know if it is morning or afternoon.
A2: So that when they are on the bus they can tell if they are coming home or going to work.

Q: Why do men like blonde jokes?
A: Because they can understand them.

Q: Why do all blondes have a dimple on their chin and a flat forehead?
A: (Finger on chin) "Duh, I don't know" (hits forehead) "Oh, I get it!"

Q: Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?
A: From eating with forks.

Q: Why do blondes have more fun?
A1: Because they don't know any better.
A2: They are easier to keep amused.

Q: Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails?
A: To cover up the valve stem.

Q: Why do blondes like the GST? (Goods and Service Tax in Canada)
A: Because they can spell it.

Q: Why don't blondes double recipes?
A: The over doesn't go to 700 degrees.

Q: Why don't blondes make good pharmacists?
A: They can't get the bottle into the typewriter.

Q: Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency?
A1: They can't remember the number.
A2: She can't find the number 11 on the telephone buttons.

Q: Why don't blondes eat jello?
A: They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packages.

Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A1: What's a lightbulb.
A2: One. She holds the bulb and waits for the world to revolve around her.
A3: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaaaddy!"

Q: Santa Clause, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the
street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up?
A: The dumb blonde, because there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy or a
smart blonde.

Q: If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground off?
A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.

Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
A: There have been reported sightings of Bigfoot.

Q: What does a blonde make best for dinner?
A: Reservations.

Q: What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
A: Change.

Q: What does a blonde say if you blow in her ear?
A: "Thanks for the refill."

Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes?
A: A whine cellar.

Q: What do you call 4 blondes lying on the ground?
A: An air mattress.

Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
A: A mental block.

Q: What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?
A: A dope ring.

Q: What do you call an unmarried blonde in a BMW?
A: Divorcee

Q: What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning?
A: A visitor.

Q: Why did the blonde bake a chicken for 3 and a half days?
A: It said cook it for half an hour per pound and she weighed 125 lbs.

Q: Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail when she was hammering?
A: The noise gave her a headache.

Q: Why did the blonde have blisters on her lips?
A: From trying to blow out lightbulbs.

Q: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?
A: They get lost.

Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.

Q: What is the difference between elvis and smart blondes?
A: Elvis has been sighted.

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a shopping cart?
A: The shopping cart has a mind of its own.


Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
A: Branch Manager

Q: What do you call a smart blonde?
A: A golden retriever.

Q: What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?
A: The back of her head.

Q: What do you call it when a blonde dyes her hair brunette?
A: Ariticial intelligence.

Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, What?

Q: How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies?
A: 10. One to mix the dough and nine to peel the smarties.

Q: What's the blonde's cheer?
A: "I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B. L. O. N....ah, oh well..I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea, yea, yea..."