Thursday, July 31, 2008

Jokes about Entertainment News


WALL-E was number one at the box office Sunday. It's about a trash-compacting robot's quest for the mechanical love of his life. He's not the first character to pick up trash while looking for love but he's the first to do it in a children's movie. (Argus Hamilton)

Thousands of people lined up to see the first showings of the new Batman "Dark Knight" movie at midnight and 3AM today. It also served as a reunion for all the idiots who lined up for the new iPhone last week. (Jake Novak)

"The Dark Knight" is out in theaters. Batman is like a soldier fighting terrorism. Much of his protective gear he had to pay for himself. (Alan Ray)

Six Flags watched its stock price drop on Wall Street to forty-eight cents a share Wednesday. The economy is terrible for theme parks right now. It's hard to compete with the thrill of pushing your car up a hill and then coasting to the grocery store. (Argus Hamilton)


The New Yorker magazine is in trouble for its cover cartoon of Barack in Arab dress and Michelle outfitted as a terrorist. Going after the other side, look for next week's cover to show Cindy spoon-feeding John in the White House Assisted Living Center while a nurse feels to see if his diapers are dry. (Scott Witt)

The Barack Obama campaign is irate over a "The New Yorker" cartoon cover which depicts Barack Obama as a Muslim and his wife, Michelle, as a terrorist. A spokesperson for "The New Yorker" replied; "Why can't you see? We're so clever that we are intentionally making an offensive caricature to illuminate its absurdity . . . oh my god, we really are total douche-bags. " (Alex Kaseberg)

The New Yorker ran a cover cartoon Monday of Barack Obama dressed up as a Muslim terrorist. It shows his wife dressed as a Black Panther. Barack Obama is offended, John McCain is offended, and Hillary is offended they didn't run it three months sooner. (Argus Hamilton)


Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt gave birth to twins Saturday in France. They then sold the baby pictures to a tabloid for twenty million dollars. For the first time ever, retired racehorses who've been put out to stud think they're in the wrong racket. (Argus Hamilton)

A leading psychiatrist says that Christie Brinkley and her husband need therapy. They've done the next best thing by airing out their personal lives to the media and public every day during their divorce trial. (Jim Barach)

Christie Brinkley smiled for photographers as she left a Long Island courthouse Thursday after her divorce case settled. She looks great. When tough times force Americans to choose between prescription drugs and food, supermodels don't think twice. (Argus Hamilton)

Formula One's Max Mosley sued the London Mail Monday to defend his right to enjoy kinky sex. He says the hookers who spanked him on video were dressed as German guards, not Nazis. Reality show producers are following this trial like it's the pennant race. (Argus Hamilton)

Robert Downey Jr. signed Saturday to star as Sherlock Holmes. The detective was addicted to liquid cocaine. Of course there won't really be liquid cocaine in the syringe when Robert Downey Jr. films the scene, in the movies they always use iced tea. (Argus Hamilton)

Willie Nelson and John Mellencamp announced Tuesday that this year's Farm Aid concert will be in New England. It's an annual event. Farm Aid started out as an appeal to the American people to give money to suffering farmers, now it's the other way around. (Argus Hamilton)

Michael Vick has filed for bankruptcy, claiming he owes his creditors between $10-50 Million. He won't say where the money went. but it's a safe bet it wasn't for veterinarian bills. (Jim Barach)

Larry King is coming out with an autobiography. "It has everything," say the critics… "Romance, violence, suspenders…" (Pedro Bartes)

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