Sunday, September 11, 2005

Funny Head Lines



Some are just slips of the tongue
  • Grandmother of eight makes hole in one

  • Deaf mute gets new hearing in killing

  • Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers

  • House passes gas tax onto senate

  • Stiff opposition expected to casketless funeral plan

  • Two convicts evade noose, jury hung

  • William Kelly was fed secretary

  • Milk drinkers are turning to powder

  • Safety experts say school bus passengers should be belted

  • Quarter of a million Chinese live on water

  • Farmer bill dies in house

  • Iraqi head seeks arms


Some become unintentionally suggestive



  • Queen Mary having bottom scraped

  • Is there a ring of debris around Uranus?

  • Prostitutes appeal to Pope

  • Panda mating fails - veterinarian takes over

  • NJ judge to rule on nude beach

  • Child's stool great for use in garden

  • Dr. Ruth to talk about sex with newspaper editors

  • Soviet virgin lands short of goal again

  • Organ festival ends in smashing climax

  • Grammar often botches other headlines

  • Eye drops off shelf

  • Squad helps dog bite victim

  • Dealers will hear car talk at noon

  • Enraged cow injures farmer with ax

  • Lawmen from Mexico barbecue guests

  • Miners refuse to work after death

  • Two Soviet ships collide - one dies

  • Two sisters reunite after eighteen years at checkout counter

Once in a while, a botched headline takes on a meaning opposite from the one intended:
  • Never withhold herpes from loved one

  • Nicaragua sets goal to wipe out literacy

  • Drunk drivers paid $1,000 in 1984

  • Autos killing 110 a day, let's resolve to do better

  • Sometimes newspaper editors state the obvious

  • If strike isn't settled quickly it may last a while

  • War dims hope for peace

  • Smokers are productive, but death cuts efficiency

  • Cold wave linked to temperatures

  • Child's death ruins couple's holiday

  • Blind woman gets new kidney from dad she hasn't seen in years

  • Man is fatally slain

  • Something went wrong in jet crash, experts say

  • Death causes loneliness, feeling of isolation


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